The blackist wife/wives in town

I know I am continually changing my favorite things to do in the world... but the stuff just keeps getting better.

At first, it was driving dirtbikes in Sudan.

Then it was driving dirtbikes with no brakes in Sudan.

Now it is officially riding dirtbikes driven by drunk people in Sudan.

That's right.

I was visiting my friend in a far village here in Yei, and walked all the way there. But by the time I got done visiting I was tired and needed to get back fast, so I waved my hand to be picked up by one of the many dirtbike drivers here. One of them pulled aside and when I told him where I was going he said it would only cost two pounds! So of course I accepted, it was about three miles away. I got on, adjusted my butt to be somewhat comfortable, then proceeded with flying down the back roads of Yei at what I would guess to be 45-50 mph. That might not seem like fast for America... To get an accurate idea, picture driving a motorcycle at 45 down the side walk in New York (But bomb the street first).

Needless to say, I was thrilled... yet I was perplexed. Even I would not do what this man was doing. (He was very good at it too). Then I smelled the strong smell of jeezy juice (aka. Crunk juice, aka. Booooooozy, aka. Alcohol) coming from his open mouth in front of me.

"What did you do next?" You might ask.

Well obviously the logical thing, I told him to stop and I got off. Of course I didn't ride all the way home like that. Of course I didn't tell him he was an awesome driver and ask if he would be around town much to drive me around. That would be stupid. I would never do that. You should know me better. Shame on you for even letting that thought cross your mind.

You heathen. Don't judge.

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Anyway...

Onto the title track of this post:

I was eating dinner with Anthony and my other friend named "Koo Koo" (I think it's spelled differently but that's how it's pronounced.

Anthony: *eats some green slimy stuff* so Justin, are you going to get married in Sudan?
Me: Hahaha no, I told you I have a girlfriend back in the US.
Kookoo: Do you not like black woman?
Me: *ignores Kookoo*
Anthony: No no no, you must marry here. We will find you the blackest wife possible. You will go back to the United States and your friends will ask you "Is she even a human???"
Me: We have black people in the United States.
Essa (passing by): It's true!
Me: Yep, and like I said, I have a girlfriend, look: *Shows picture of Kenzie*
Anthony: *Stares* Ohhhhh
Kookoo: *Stares a bit too much*
Me: *Snatches it away*
Anthony: Well then you can just have both!
Me: Huh?
Anthony: If you have many cows, you just marry both of them.
Me: Cows? Um...
Anthony: *Explains how you give 7 or so Cows to the family of the girl you want to marry, and she is yours*
Me: That's not really how it works in America... It is illegal to have more than one wife.
Kookoo: WHAT??
Anthony: My grandfather had over a hundred wives! He was a cheif, he did not even know his own children when he met them on the street.
Kookoo: *Plays out Anthony's grandfather meeting one of his kids and asking who his father was*
Anthony: They told me the homes of his family went for miles and miles, and that he would go around from house to house and give each wife two hours.
Me: Two hours?
Anthony: For playing sex! *grins*
Kookoo: Now that is just prideful...
Me: *Falls on the ground laughing (rolling in chicken poop)*

The team comes tomorrow!!

Woooooo!!

(Sorry if your small children are reading, if they are now might be a good time to have the old "What playing sex is" talk with them.)